When will it end?
Everyday is a new challenge to me. I take things a step at a time but sometimes that does not help when you are faced with so much pressure. Last night I hit a low. Let's just say that in my house are too many mothers and not enough fathers.
When there are too many mothers, the fathers become spectators. In my case, I've become a nuisance. Not that I want to but in my mothers eyes I am that. It is a case of how we do things. If it is not her way then it is the wrong way. I felt really pissed when because I did not do things the way she wanted it, I was labeled stupid and incompetent.
All for just trying to help.
So I've decided to take a spectator role now. Why? Because why bother? Why allow more mental abuse to pepper my mind? I have taken so much these past few months, not only on the home front but also at the work place, that I deserve some form of rest-bite. With so much on my mind, I am on the verge of jumping off a cliff.
Financially my family is tight, the new baby has cause a fair amount of uneasiness. My own finances are a mess, baggage that I brought in from my bachelor days are still haunting me. There are other commitments that badger for my time and all this are happening at the same time. I don't need another source of pressure.
Most if not all of my personal plans are on the shelf. I have had to put them on hold until I settle these things. My ambition to be a writer has to be canned for the moment. I have some opportunities to chase but with all these things happening at home, I can't focus right. It is sad when you slug through life unable to find fulfillment because what you really want to do cannot be done.
I am really not looking forward to another day.
When there are too many mothers, the fathers become spectators. In my case, I've become a nuisance. Not that I want to but in my mothers eyes I am that. It is a case of how we do things. If it is not her way then it is the wrong way. I felt really pissed when because I did not do things the way she wanted it, I was labeled stupid and incompetent.
All for just trying to help.
So I've decided to take a spectator role now. Why? Because why bother? Why allow more mental abuse to pepper my mind? I have taken so much these past few months, not only on the home front but also at the work place, that I deserve some form of rest-bite. With so much on my mind, I am on the verge of jumping off a cliff.
Financially my family is tight, the new baby has cause a fair amount of uneasiness. My own finances are a mess, baggage that I brought in from my bachelor days are still haunting me. There are other commitments that badger for my time and all this are happening at the same time. I don't need another source of pressure.
Most if not all of my personal plans are on the shelf. I have had to put them on hold until I settle these things. My ambition to be a writer has to be canned for the moment. I have some opportunities to chase but with all these things happening at home, I can't focus right. It is sad when you slug through life unable to find fulfillment because what you really want to do cannot be done.
I am really not looking forward to another day.
posted by Maclean Patrick | 8:39 PM
1 Comments:
Hmm..it is really hard to be a father. Expectations (to a certain standard) are high. Find the freedom IN the expectation. In every situation there are new freedom to be found, a single man's struggle is a married man's joy, a husband's struggle is a father's joy. Many seek blessings but not many can manage it well.
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