The Stressful Husband: ramblings of a husband and father

I need to talk...I'm a stressful husband.


I believe in a just world. I didn't it should be fair cause nothing is fair anyway in the first place, rather I want a system of justice to be in place, equality among people and a sense of belonging for all citizens of Malaysia. If not for myself, may it be for my children or those that come after me. I believe we can make a change. It happened before and it will happen again and again and again as long as we chose to stand for what it just. This blog is my effort for change. I use to run but due to some problems (my own) I had to shut it down. I accept comments but remember we comment within a sphere of responsibility. Cheers!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Time flies...

I managed to reclaim this blog back. I actually went on to manage other blogs and remembered this rather personal blog I started. It happens when you have too many things to consider that other things get sidelined.

Plus, I've finally can call myself a writer. I had a book published last year and it hit the stores in January. Being in Malaysia, writing a book and getting it out into the stores is a big thing, considering the fact I pulled it through while handling two hyper boys.

Well, my two sons are now both coming 4 and 2. I've a lot of pictures because I've taken up photography some time back and I have been practicing on my two boys. I'll make a mental note to put them up here.

Looking at my two boys, I tend to see that my role in their lives is important. So often, fathers are under-appreciated for their roles in raising children. In fact, the fathers are the ones who provide that sense of security and a point of reference for the child.

If the father is strong then the children are strong too.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Husbands need time off

Sometimes I go home and flip off my thinking head and play my PS2. It's probably the only time that I can truly enjoy quiet time. Funny but with all the things that happen to me in the day, time to myself is limited.

After a demanding day at the workplace, I sometimes come home to demanding parents (I live with my parents), demanding wife and children. Though they all need my attention, who would then attend to me? At times I wish somebody would listen to me. Just to listen to what is on my mind. To allow me to vent some of the frustrations and stress that I have accumulated during my working hours.

Instead I get more added stress. It is no wonder that most guys under stress turn to other forms of release. Alcohol, gambling and other women. When their immediate support system fails to support their needs they would seek out other support systems. This is where all the problems pop in.

As for me my secondary support system is my PS2. Playing video games is something that I have been doing for a long, long time. No point giving up on it. At least it keeps me from doing the other vices that I mentioned above.

So this week would be a tough one for me as wifey is away attending a training course. Added stress to me but at least I get to spend time with my kids. I've had to block off all other activities for this week except those that I've planned in advance.

Have to put my gaming aside for the time being though...

Technorati Tags: , ,

Sunday, July 09, 2006

When the family falls sick.

My mother first got sick with the flu. Now it has shifted to both me and wifey. It is pretty bad since we have two small children in the house. Which leaves both of us with slightly bad moods. Coupled with the stress of taking care of two babies, we both now have to take care of our own tired bodies. My eldest, Ryan, has started coughing and developing a running nose. My youngest, Evan, is in the pick of health. I pray that he does not fall sick.

Pumping myself with medication would not be a good thing. I need a clear mind in order to care for my babies. Can't have a stressed, drug high father lumbering about the house can we?

We are still looking around for help. We desperately need a maid since wifey will be going back to work next week. Play school is just too expensive for the time being. With our finances in a fragile state, adding more weight onto it will only push the camel's back to its breaking point. So the search continues.

Till that problem is solve, I need to get over this flu.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Good help is hard to find

Wifey and I are in search of a maid. We have several avenues to pursue but the more we look at them the more it seems we will never find what we need. The cheapest route is to get an Indonesian maid but then there is a high percentage that the maid will turn out bad. Another alternative is to seek a Filipino maid who are slightly more expensive then an Indonesian. I am more keen in getting a relative to live with us but there are no takers.

Eventually, we may need to send my eldest son to a play school in the afternoon when wifey goes off to work. It'll probably be the most expensive choice. That alone has cause a new headache for me, right when finances are so tight. The cost of raising kids is not the same as when my parents had me. Nope, small wonder that couples today choose to have a small brood. Two seems that ideal number if you want to live a minimally stress free life.

So it's back to calling employment agencies. Hopefully we will be able to find good help before wifey goes back to work. That's all we have to live by during times of difficulty - hope. Hope that things will turn out the better.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Office politics, constipation and my nightmare Monday

Office politics is something that I erk. Something that I really do not want to get involve with but in recent weeks it is something that has shoved itself into my face. I have been force to play it in order to survive attacks from my own office mate.

My very reputation is now at stack and honestly speaking it does not boil well for me. One, people think I am not doing my work. In actual fact, it is primarily because I really do not showcase my work. I don't parade it but to some that is fuel for talk that I do not do work at all. Secondly, I do not get personal in my dealings at work. Business is business and I'm professional in my replies and dealings with people. But to have someone say that you are not doing your work and to question why the organisation is paying you, then that is a personal attack.

Obviously the email was not meant to be read by me as I was the only one who did not get a copy. My bosses got a copy but I was cut out of the loop. These attacks have gone too far.

So I am going on the offensive. There is no point trying to be nice to some people. They deserve just rewards for their overly impressive statements.

To add to my stress. My youngest son, Evan, developed constipation problems over the weekend. We point it towards the milk powder that we have been giving him and have decided to switch to another brand. But until the effects are seen I will have to bear with his crying which is heart wrenching. I can't stand to see my son so helpless and in pain. There is nothing I can do but to ease his pain. What else can you do for a 1 month old baby? I pray that things will turn around by today.

These things have made my nightmare monday. It is a bad way to start the week. But I will have to endure it.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Breaking the money bank

As if I don't more stress in my life, I am now confronted with the issue of employing a maid to aid my mother in taking care of my two children. This will put added strain on my threadlike budget. In fact it will blow my financial state out of the water. Such is my financial state, that any extra strain will cause it to buckle and fold over. Taking me along with it.

Wifey is already bearing the bulk of paying for the children's needs. It is then, not fair for her to bear this additional expense. It will have to come from my pay-check. But I am already straining under the stress of my current financial baggage.

It is in this light that an opportunity presented itself this afternoon. I got a call from an insurance sale-person, an acquaintance of mine. I had to turn down her product for the time being citing financial reasons but she then countered with another offer to join along with them in selling insurance. I am not a sales-person but in view of the situation, I am willing to learn anything in order to have some extra income.

So it seems that this coming Saturday, I may be meeting her husband to hear what their business is like. I will let him do the talking and access the viability of the business.

Unknown to them I have already done some study on the selling of insurance and also the commission model that insurance sale-persons go by. It is residue income that only requires the least amount of interaction. In fact you may make more in 3 hours of selling then you would at a 8 hour day job. Plus, it is residue income, meaning as long as the policy holder keeps paying their premium you keep earning. The commission percentage is different for different products. This has cause some insurance sales persons to concentrate on a singular high-commission product.

It looks attractive but I need to run it by wifey first. I must also look at my commitments in terms of time and effort for my other activities. I don't want to be more stress then I am already.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Financially stress, a husband's heart-ache.

I am counting the cents in my pockets. My take home pay is not enough to carry my family through. It is a good thing that wifey also works and her income can help in the household but the pride in me is cut to the core. It hurts when you know that you cannot really provide everything (in monetary terms) for your family. Heck, I cannot even feed myself sometimes what more to say my two sons and wifey.

So its added stress to me when financially, things are not as well as I want them to be.

Firstly, the economy is not getting any better. Things are getting more expensive each day. The world's economic climate is going down the drain, where the middle-income earners like me are stretch thin just to live well. With the wars in the middle-east pushing the price of oil up thus causing everything else to belly up in terms of cost. I can't take it if there is another price hike on oil. I probably have to sell the car if that happens.

Secondly, as a civil servant my pay will never rise any higher then my ankle. I am at the mercy of the government of the day. Yes, there is a year end bonus but it does not amount to anything. It is a bonus in name but in terms of substance, it does not help in the long run. I need a pay raise that will have a year long impact on my finances. A pay rise that is 50% of my current wage will really help. It will also be in step with rising cost of living. To date, it will take a small miracle to grant me a 50% pay raise. No, it will need a tsunami of events to change the mind-sets of the leaders of my country. I wish they would just using the peoples money to line their own pockets.

Whatever it is, things will not get any better. The word on the street is that in 2008, the world will slow down economically. This will put a strain on the government finance. I do not foresee much increments or bonuses for the civil servant. Our jobs may be secure but we lose out to our counterparts in the private world in terms of salary.

Until that time, I will have to condition my family to be more frugal in our living. Frugal, a word I did not learn until I start looking at the cents in my pockets.